I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
