i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize