Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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