i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
