he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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