i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize