It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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