What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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