i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize