She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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