So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
