Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
