ya dads aren't the best wingmen
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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