that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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