the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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