I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
