totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
