I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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