LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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