no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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