i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
