i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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