honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
