There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
