you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
