How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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