I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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