she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
