i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
