We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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