I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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