I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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