Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
