I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
