can u get pink eye on your cock?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
