i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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