life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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