this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
