i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
