Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
