don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
