from now on my penis is your penis
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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