a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I pour the whiskey from now on
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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