the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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