I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
