The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
