he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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