he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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