At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
