he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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