I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
