I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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