i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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