STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
