I think my fart just growled at me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
