and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
