I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
