I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
honey bunches of taint.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Farmville is her only friend.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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