I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
