The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
