yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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