a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I am mentally ready for anal.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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