boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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