I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
