I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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