and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
