Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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