Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I AM VODKA MAN
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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