he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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