well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
