there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
