dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize