Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
