Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
