i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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