She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
