The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Boobs speak an international language.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
