How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
