Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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