I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
