I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
