So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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