it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
