he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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