Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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