Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
