6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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