shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i dont even know how to be here
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
