I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Do vagina's smell?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize