I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
