I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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