you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
