I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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