Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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