Do you still have your period?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
