I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
