I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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