member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
