I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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