I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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