He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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