i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
