All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
