Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
