it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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