you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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