Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
